Pride and Grief

Airman Jacob Proffer, a member of the Air Force Honor Guard, pauses to salute a grave after placing a miniature flag at its base during the “Flags In” tribute at Arlington National Cemetery, May 21, 2009. “When I do this, it makes me take a lot more pride every time I put on my uniform, seeing the measure of sacrifice so many have made,” he said. DoD photo by Donna Miles

Both pride and grief are with me today.
I am proud to have been married to a sailor whom forever loved his country. I am proud to have worked for both the USMC and the USN, experiences which had significant impact on my life and gave me a perspective and friendships I will always treasure.

I also find myself in the midst of a visceral grief, I grapple with the loss of my husband, my son's father, the man I loved with all my soul. A perfect man... oh don't make me choke and I would never imply such; but a loving son, husband and father. More than the day he died, Memorial Day is a time when it all seems too fresh. We always had an annual Memorial Celebration .... to honor our fallen troops and those fighting the battle to keep us free and safe. Friends and family, friends of friends, neighborhood kids and acquaintances were always welcome. BBQ, beer, laughing and games were the order of the day... all day.
Where did this all go? Yes, Jon's ship flag and medals, pictures and memories are all here........ but he is not. I no longer ask why, it is moot. It simply is.

This weekend we will attend honor services for those we know whom are serving, those whom protect us and we do not know and those brave troops whom are no longer with us. We will pray for them and their safe homecomings. We will pray for their families. We live in a continually dangerous world. Not all homecomings are happy... for many families the homecoming they have anticipated will end with prayers for a peaceful repose in a church cemetery. For these brave troops and their families, we pray for peace of heart.

For my sons, I say extra prayers that they never forget the love their dad had for them. I will never forget.