Self-Esteem, Family, Normalcy..etc

I had an email, from a mom today, expressing her concern and fear for her 6 year old daughter. SL is in Kindergarten this year and really has no friends. She has no playmates, no birthday party invites, no sleepover pals. SL has a 14 year old sister whom had some learning issues and is in the same predicament as far as friends. I have known this mom since SL was 2 days old. I would not call us friends but we chat often. We have very different opinions on kids, family and "special needs". MamaC is considering cosmetic surgery for SL. Their ENT has suggested it will give SL better self-esteem if she doesn't "look different." Really? OMG, this is so obscene to even think about. Maybe the fact that the girls have always been in "segregated" classrooms plays a part in their feeling "different." You know "life-skills" or as a K student, in a "disabilities K class." My kids have always been in regular-ed classrooms. No part-day here, no "This will better meet their needs." Just my opinion but it is my blog.

I raise my sons as I would any child, as I was raised. They go to school, play sports, participate in community and church activities, visit friends, have playdates, make their beds, set the table and other chores. The older boys help with younger willingly and with love. We all sit down at the same table, at the same time to share in meals and conversation. We pray together. We are a family.

To our family there is normalcy in being different. So you get no brownie points for having Down syndrome per se. I'd say they all have great self-esteem. Just ask them if they like themselves.

Aren't we all different.... all unique?
Truth be told... break it down, more alike than different.

My kids were all born with an extra chromosome, four on their 21st pair, and Alexi with interspersed extra's. They can be considered different, but in a way that society for way too long has deemed 'different', as in bad, wrong, abnormal, as not worthy of life, or if alive, tucked away, "out of sight, out of mind'.....a different that is slowly changing, but still riddled with stereo-types and negative assumptions. These 'assumptions', 'stereo-types', 'biases'......are not a healthy way to look at another human being.

Fortunately, most people who have met my kids can look past the labels and see what beautiful, charming, and mischievous boys they are. Any of us keep friendships with people who are interested and respectful of us. My sons are no different, though they need a little push in this direction as they are, at times, too patient and forgiving. Friends embrace us as ourselves and not as Down syndrome, blue-eyed/brown-eyed, blonde/brunette, tall/short, old/young, liberal/conservative (well maybe).

We cannot, nor would we want to, befriend the whole world.

Jesse has the best friends anyone could ask for and always has, from kindergarten on. They love him for who he is, for his abilities, his love of life, his "let's try it" attitude, and his incredible self-esteem. No matter the valley he may be in at the moment, Jesse always sees the brightness of the day ahead.

Andy loves himself as much as he loves others. He truly lives the "love yourself before you can love another" cliche. And who wouldn't love this guy?

Maxim is still learning whom he is. He can be loud and boisterous and then in a moment quiet and concerned. Both are Maxim and both are joyous. He thinks he deserves it all... and you know what? He does.

Alexi is introspective and calm in this always chaotic lovable family. In quiet moments you can see Alexi reading a book, sitting by the floor mirror... smiling at himself. Oh yes, this boy knows how beautiful and remarkable he is.

Niky "the baby" is and has been the one everyone fawns over.... I am guilty as well. Taking a step back, he is very aware so like Andy. That smile and giggle... it is obvious he is a happy happy boy.